if i write
if i write it all down
if it falls from my head and heart and out onto my keyboard
like a steady rain onto the hot pavement in the middle of summer
if i write
about how it is all true and written in the stars, then when it comes it to be
it will feel comfortable and not sit like a nagging child in the middle of my
lap after a long day of being something that i had to be whether i felt like it or not
if i write
and see it's timeless, ageless, soulful beauty in black and white and i print it out
and hear my printer make the sounds that it does, then does that make it more real
if i write
to tell you that i mostly believe and that the naught point one percent that doubts
is that gremlin that sits inside all of us and tells us that we are not worthy of it all
that we are not worthy of a love so big that it cannot be denied or contained or shamed
if i write
and purge myself of the mysteries of this situation and this life, then will it all be just fine
will it feel like when my sister held me the morning after yet another sleepless night in the
spare room which had held her own son for so many years
if i write
it all down
will it make the clock tick any faster to being with you for good
will it make the heartache and longing and missing any less
will it make it better, even if just for a wee bit
if i write
if i write
if i write